if

2011-06-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

well, with all of the problems this site has had (and the issues with leaving comments as some of you have reported and that i am having as well commenting on blogs) i have jumped ship and moved on to a new home. you can find me here:

http://www.internalfocusing.com

2011-06-10T20:25:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak max 800)

i see now that what once appeared as an angel's wing- scripted into the fur on your side like a tattoo- has now taken the form of an "R" turned sideways, your own personal brand... Ransom. who you are. and all the things one name, chosen for one life, can encompass. i am certain my inadequate words will never suffice.

here's to another night Buddy, you and me, snuggling in sleep.

2011-06-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak max 800)

loving them so much right now i could just squeal :)

all and all you're just another brick in the wall

2011-06-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak max 800)

he ain't heavy, he's my brother

2011-06-03T06:59:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak max 800, film)

he ain't heavy, he's my brother
his welfare is my concern
no burden is he to bear
we'll get there
all i know - he would not encumber me...

and the love doesn't weigh me down at all...

he ain't heavy, he's my brother

listen here.

2011-06-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

(yashica mat-124, kodak ektar 100, film)

believing in this, wanting to live in a world like this- so, listening to it, over and over :) and if you've never listened to michael franti & spearhead, don't be fooled by one song- their range is unbelievable and varied. for another taste, listen to see you in the light, a song that will forever and always remind me of my fiance :)

thanking you for your presence here, always.

this day

2011-05-30T13:55:00.001-07:00

along a local street, honoring those who have sacrificed their lives in war since September of 2001 to present day. these small gravestones covered just over 2 miles of road, and are only a handful of those who have fallen in battle. the second shot depicts a young man who did not return home to my town. i stood in this spot for a long while thinking about his mother.

i was struck by the words in the first photo. mission accomplished.

at the beginning of the fence along which these beautiful tapestries hung were these words:

"The Peace Ribbon honors victims of the war in Iraq by creating a memorial to the soldiers and Iraqi civilians who have died as a result of the invasion & occupation of Iraq. Help us to create a panel for each life that has been claimed by this war. They will be displayed around the U.S. to remember and honor those who have died. Join us in this tribute by making a panel".

i lingered and read the stories, some with so few words, some full of color, some with none, each filled with a mixture of pain and hope.

us lately

2011-05-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

leisurely walks with family in the unusually dry heat of summer that settled in early this year. trips to her favorite park. neighbors stopping to say hello with smiling dogs. hugs and hand holding and dinners out, when we can. jiji finding her place in this family and our hearts... ransom, beating all odds and still with us 8 months later, permanently etched in, like a tattoo, like an artery, like morning and evening light.

life is not without its struggles or its (sometimes quite overwhelming) ups and downs. but when i sit back, looking at this collection of photos, there is only gratefulness inside of me for the gifts i have received in my life.

here, there, everywhere. and a eucalyptus tree.

2011-05-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, film)

sorry for my absence in visiting all of you. parenthood, kindergarten registration (eeek!), work, life, a lovely visit from my eldest sister, tornadoes racing after family in texas (all safe!), and making time to (what? relax?) all the while revamping my entire eating habits and how i approach food... well. it's been a long and interesting week to say the least. i've barely picked up the camera but thankfully am getting some nice rolls back ;)

thank you for continuing to stop by and say hello. i sometimes feel as though we're still just getting to know one another, and that is a beautiful thing. i am daily inspired by all of you!

here's to a 3 day weekend- ahhhhhh. now if only i can work in some couch time like ransom and jiji~!

my girl, my toes, and a cat in the corner

2011-05-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000,film)

who we are.

2011-05-22T10:35:00.001-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400)

our daughter saw these characters on a page in one of Baba's art magazines while working on a project with him and immediately decided each represented one of us. so, i give you...well, ourselves as decided by Ellis :o)

top left is Baba, who brings a flower. top right: ellis who stands. bottom left: ransom (yes, holding a purse no less!), and that's me in the bottom right corner. i like my bunny ears and i am, in fact, flashing you the peace sign.

(the cat is too busy to be a part of all this!)

hope you've had a groovy weekend.

ransom of many names

2011-05-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

(yashi, kodak ektar 100)

Mr. Fat Pants. Buddy. Licky Larry. Lean-To. Boober Doozer. My Boy. Stinker-Do. Mister Man. sometimes, just Mister. or Boob.

today i learned your liver is "bigger" and your abdomen has several enlarged lymph nodes, and of course, the ones in your neck are so firm like rocks only these keep growing and i know that this hardness means the cells are replicating at an astronomical rate like something i can't even fathom- i know this because this is my work this is what i do and knowledge is not always a good thing or at least in this case maybe a little ignorance would be bliss. but mostly Buddy, mostly what i heard was that you have become fat (hee!hee!)- that made me smile from ear to ear. because treats are the best and your favorite and you deserve as many as you want for as many days or dare i hope for weeks as you have left.

something tells me the more nicknames you have, these funny terms of endearment, the greater you are loved :) i think i will keep naming you Buddy, even long after you are gone.

2011-05-20T03:31:00.000-07:00

happy friday, happy weekend, happy everything!

4 from the Yashi

2011-05-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

(yashica mat-124, fuji pro 400)

this one is

2011-05-16T16:41:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak max 400, expired)

... the magic of expired film. if it only gives me one photo like this (taken at 4pm on the same day and at the same time as my prior post) it's worth the whole roll! happy monday!

saturday in the sun

2011-05-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

happy weekend!

2011-05-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 800)

imagine me and you, i do

2011-05-12T07:44:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 800, film)

the cat really has a thing for the dog. and while the dog likes to pretend that he'd rather have his space, the truth is, the dog kinda digs the cat too. i find them sleeping together often enough :) and before Ransom started feeling as tired as he does these days, he'd toss Jiji's mouse to her and they'd have a game of fetch together when the mood would strike. it was pretty comical. especially when Ransom would realize we were watching him and he'd try to act all "i'm not into this. what? i'm not playing. not with the cat. this isn't me playing with the cat. there's no fun happening here".

(on this day though, The Boob was happy to have his chair back to himself, in need of a nap. his tumors are alarmingly large now, growing so rapidly. 7 months have passed since diagnosis. he spends much of his time sleeping, which gives me great comfort).

don't you just love his buddha belly? garth likes to call it his 6 pack. ha! ransom gets lots of extra treats these days and waddles around the place lugging his weight to prove it. that is just fine with us. that is just fine with us.

in the space where pictures are made

2011-05-09T17:33:00.000-07:00

(yashica mat-124, fuji pro 400)

just a quick note to say thank you so much all of your kind comments- i am always so humbled by your words and i love that you take the time to stop by and say hello!

some more from the yashi because there is nothing better than this camera. listening to this and loving that an old favorite band has taken us to new and different places, so unexpected!

i am a mother

2011-05-08T08:30:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji neopan 1600, film)

these are the things i carry in my heart. the hope that you will soar and sleep well at night. that you will laugh and live abundantly. that you will nourish your body, mind, and soul and walk gently while standing firmly. that you will light the world around you from within. that no harm or ill will befall you. and when or if it does, you will learn to embrace either with grace.

(this weekend, the smallest of "r"s was tattooed to the pulse on the inside of my wrist, where i will carry it in memory of ransom, my first and best dog since childhood. he rallies still against his disease, teaching me that death has more to do with living than dying).

blessings blessings blessings to you and to you and to you this day!

of something else

2011-05-06T14:05:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400)

today i will look up

2011-05-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji pro 400 and kodak ektar 100)

of gardens and walking paths

2011-05-03T19:05:00.000-07:00

(yashica mat-124, fuji pro 400)

2011-05-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak max 800)

an early morning drive either in silence or listening to some chosen piece of music. mind wandering into the past and future or simply gazing out into the haze of the awakening minutes and street travelers, commuting to work and school. this day i smiled back in time, to that moment i first saw you- ears flopping backward, hobbling and hunching forward in trepidation, nose close to the floor, a 4 month bundle of baby need, sweet, soft and scared. i was scared too. i loved you instantly and then came to love you slowly, it was like that with us. we grew into each others hearts.

last night i opened my book to read and absentmindedly reached out to scratch your back, but finding instead your leg i gently rubbed the tufts of hair there, discovering yet another protrusion. a nodule, and its twin on the other leg, just above your knees. the "popliteal lymph nodes". enlarged. you are 7 years older now and wise and aged from this disease. like a zen master or a buddha.

the cancer has spread everywhere, i know this now. nothing has changed but everything is changing.

you are the bravest and strongest soul i know. thank you for today. for greeting me with licks and snorts and begging for another biscuit and a treat.

i'm ready when you are, my dearest and best friend. even though i will never be ready.

2011-05-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

(canon 50D)

we wait for you here
beneath the water, calling
come, nishikigoi

-kitchu-

friday favorites

2011-04-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

(yashica mat-124, film)

me and those fans, again. happy weekend to you all! i am off to actually develop some negatives. like, really develop them. on to real live photo paper. no, i've yet to do that if you can believe it! i have only scanned them to a CD! crazy i know. now to see the real work, as i am sure they will be far better on paper.

breathing

2011-04-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

(yashica mat-124, film)

Darkness deserves gratitude. It is the alleluia point at which we learn to understand that all growth does not take place in the sunlight~(Joan Chittister)

2011-04-25T06:43:00.001-07:00

(canon 50D)

happy easter...

2011-04-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

(photo by my fiance)

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there.

~Clarence W. Hall~

of bonds and mending hearts.

2011-04-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

(yashica mat-124, kodak ektar 100)

i wonder each time ransom pauses outside to look toward the same cul-de-sac what exactly he sees. what his nose is sniffing after. nothing has really changed on our street in the 5 years we have lived in this little house.

except, everything.

today, i have learned your cancer has spread Buddy. that your liver and your spleen are enlarged. at work i shed tears and in the car, leaving work, i could hardly breath through them.

but i arrived home to your happy disposition, your amazing smile, and found it impossible not to grin from ear to ear in return. your eagerness in greeting me is the highlight of my day, equal only to seeing Ellis and Garth. but maybe this exuberance was only realizing a biscuit was soon coming? :o) i don't think so. when i sensed a week ago your time to leave might be near, when my gut was telling me... when i hoped my gut was faulty and misguided, but deep down i knew better....

i can attribute that knowing to only one thing: this incredible, indescribable, amazing bond the 2 of us share, Mr.Man. somehow you were telling me in your own way- and i heard. that's the kind of love that is shared between us. a love that transcends the spoken word and is wholly unconditional.

now it is time for our hearts to break and mend as we start to say our good-byes. not yet, you say to me. but sooner now than later. maybe in this way your cancer is a gift, even though i am struggling not to feel angry that it came so early in your short life.

today was the hardest day of them all. 7 years to just weeks... (if we have weeks)... in a flash. i wouldn't trade a single second. every one has counted.

there is no eloquent way to wrap this post up tonight. i love you Buddy. you have my heart. let's just make the most of these days. ice cream, peanut butter, table scraps, snuggles, trips to Pet Sm*rt... the world is yours. and heaven too.

did i hear you say biscuit?

2011-04-20T07:30:00.001-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak ektar 100)

cuz i could sure use a little smackerel of something good to eat.

2011-04-18T04:39:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak ektar 100)

this first song- with its haunting and dreamlike melody- brought me back to you who i have lost, pieces of myself, the whole of my mother, a best friend, the eventuality of my beloved ransom. it made me think of war and japan. but inside those losses there was light and hope, and through my tears i found peace.

this second song charged with middle eastern rhythm made me want to dance and then dance again! i adore this band, Taken By Trees. (advise you listen and not watch whoever made this video as it is distracting and does not fit the feel of the music). you can read a review of the whole album East of Eden here (which the song Day by Day comes from) and i suspect if you don't own it already, you might feel compelled to purchase it after reading this.

enjoy!

a picturefull

2011-04-16T17:44:00.000-07:00

(yashica-mat 124, kodak ektar 100, film)

really loving this of late... (working on compiling a "picture perfect day" mix to listen to while i'm shooting, something i have never tried, and this song is one i've included among many others i am happy to share if anyone is interested- maybe in future posts?).

2011-04-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

here is to another lovely weekend, hope yours is filled with all the small things that matter most.

i will be dropping off my first roll of film from the Yashica Mat-124 and am feeling like a little girl on christmas morning!

this just in and this just in again (update!)

2011-04-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

and umm. i need a little bit of a tutorial. i can't even get the darn thing open to load film! but i am enjoying just carrying it around the house. heeee!

*update* i just took my first photo! oh glee! thanks to Claire, her tutorial, and a link to the on-line manual :) you made my day Claire!

2011-04-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak ektar 100, film)

thank you for such kind comments on the last set of photos i posted, i feel completely humbled! i am so inspired by all of you that i don't think of myself as inspiring- i am truly moved by your words.

hope everyone is having a relaxing week and enjoying the spring! here is some beautiful light to get you through to the weekend :)

the thomas center

2011-04-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak ektar 100)

this historical site in town is considered our cultural center and is housed in a beautifully restored Mediterranean revival-style hotel. it is adorned with gardens and walking paths, beautiful architecture and is a favorite spot to choose for weddings and/or receptions. there is an art gallery upstairs that often features local work by our budding artisans (grade school and up) but they also have showings from all over the world (i missed a huge chinese photography exhibit just before leaving for china! sigh).

we visited a week ago and spent over 2 hours just wandering through the gardens and galleries.

how was your weekend?

2011-04-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak ektar 100, film)

and some of those shots from the last week i've been itching to share :)

1. game on, locals play dominoes in the square downtown
2. i am having this thing for shooting fans lately. can't explain it.
3. a favorite cuban fusion restaurant, Emiliano's, downtown
4. The Lunch, cafe, in the town square
5. a man reading (loved this so much more than the one i took with the 50D)
6. farmers market, downtown
7. local used bookstore that serves vegetarian cuisine- including my favorite sandwich-
8. the chimichurri (pictured here with potato and onion curried soup, yum)- made with sliced apple, greens, onion, melted monterey jack cheese, cilantro pesto... and it is mouth watering gooood.

it's been a fabulous weekend, except the part where it has gone by too quickly. hope it has been wonderful for you too!

2011-04-08T05:52:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak ektar 100)

soft light on a quiet walk through the woods. good food. family, friends. laughter. holding hands and maybe a kiss or two. sharing our best memories and dreaming of what's to come. strength and willingness. rising up toward the sun in spite of it all. pushing through. soaring.

these are the kind of days i wish for all of us.

2011-04-07T16:54:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, kodak max 800, film)

my spud. he certainly knows how to arrange himself into a lump of comfortable.

my sister and brother-in-law are coming to town tomorrow and this promises to be a great weekend. i just got back 2 rolls of film and the second had 36 shots- of which i loved almost every.single.one! a first for me and i can't wait to share some of them. there were a few duplicates from my digital shots and honestly i am considering just putting my digital camera down. i see the results on film and wonder sometimes why i bother to pick up the 50D anymore, it just does not inspire me in the same way. not to mention it's heavy and cumbersome :)

in case i am absent until sunday, hope you all have a weekend that brings sunshine and all good things!

sometimes a photograph from now and also from before

2011-04-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

you will not believe my moves!

2011-04-06T06:49:00.000-07:00

call me ninja cat. watch out, i will steal your cookie!

tidbits

2011-04-04T08:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you Sun for the Versatile Blogger Award! I am not feeling versatile so it was very sweet of you to think of me :)

Here are seven simple facts about myself: (well, maybe not so simple?)

1. i love anime (picture above was taken by my daughter at yes, you guessed it, an anime convention from last year. that we all attended). just call us a family of geeks. we are! my fiance is directly responsible for my love of this art.

2. my name is not kitchu, it is a nickname that only one sister calls me- it all started with 1 nickname from 1st grade that my father gave me, morphing into kricky which my oldest sister then turned to "kitchu". it is her name for me and i cherish that. my other sister calls me "katchu" or "krissy" and no one outside of my family ever refers to me this way. i think i would be mortified! i don't like to share personal names here, but my name is actually kristen (though, interestingly, i don't go by that either).

3. i have a small tattoo :o)

4. when i was a little girl, i remember telling a teacher i did not want to be a nurse because i didn't like their hats, their skirts or their shoes (i was very much a tomboy). i am an oncology nurse! it's a good thing the "uniform" changed. my dream was to be a photographer/writer.

5. i lived in Bangladesh for 2 years and Iran for a year when i was a child. i cherish the memories i have of that time and i think those experiences have greatly influenced who i am. i have traveled to England, France, Italy, China, Thailand and Trinidad as well. i do not like to fly, but i love to see new places and learn about different cultures. someday: JAPAN! (the 2 days in Tokyo at age 8 i barely remember).

6. i never thought i would be a mother :) it has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.

7. your struggles in life will ultimately make you stronger. pain has power to either bury you or transform you. it transformed me.

now i'd like to pass this along to some friends: karen, natsumi, elisabelle, & evaforeva who i would also like to know a bit more about :)

2011-04-02T19:11:00.000-07:00

working through the weekend, dreaming of the next days off :) hope you are enjoying yours!

1. pentax k1000, film
2. holga 135, film

tilting here and there

2011-04-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

1. Chicago Airport
2. Fast food, our town
3. Guangzhou, China
4. The Swamp (Florida)
5. Minneapolis, MN
6. Elementary school, our town
7. Mepkin Abbey, South Carolina

interestingly, as much as this effect is fun to play around with, each of these photos were favorites before i tried this tilt-shift effect and i'm sure i prefer them in their original form. but, this does have its own appeal. i am such a "straight out of the camera girl" that i have a tough time with any post processing i guess!

(and elisabelle, for you i have put up the first one with its original)... :O)

2011-03-31T12:59:00.000-07:00

(holga 120N, kodak ektar 100)

thank you all for such kind comments on my "random acts of photographs" post! it has been a long rainy week but the sun is peeking from the sky this afternoon and it promises to be a beautiful day tomorrow. we have needed this rain so i am not going to complain! i am really enjoying this space, this new site of mine, and making connections with some amazing photographers and artists (that would be you!)- i hope we will continue to grow our friendships :o)

happy spring, happy everything!

because this is the face of my best friend.

2011-03-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

that is all, nothing more.

(holga 120N, kodak ektar 100)

random acts of photographs

2011-03-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, film)

on with it already, out of the funk and into the next day and the brilliant smile of my daughter and the loving eyes of my amazing dog who has lived to this day longer than anyone believed he would and here's to naps and cat yawns and blooms and interesting shoots and my favorite plant: bamboo! and i hope you hadn't forgotten about the chicken too :o)

happy tuesday to you!

2011-03-28T06:15:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuju superia 400)

today i wake to a heavy fog and humid air that hangs like an unwanted but necessary blanket. i have trouble with the news but find myself turning it on, night after night. i watched THIS on CNN last night and found myself metaphorically lying on this same bench as my daughter, or staring out across a vast body of water, gazing blankly up and out into nothingness, a hollowness and a heaviness at once in my chest where my heart should beat but it can't find its rhythm, tired from so much pain and nonsense in this world.

(thanks to each of you who chimed in with advice about scanners! i am still weighing my options).

hug me!

2011-03-27T06:29:00.001-07:00

(canon 50D)

2011-03-25T16:57:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 800)

wishing you rays of warmth and a bit of sunshine for your weekend!

silly photo and a question for you

2011-03-24T05:02:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, film)

i guess when all else fails, napkins will suffice?

and my question for you. how many of you using film scan your own negatives? and of those who do, what kind of scanner do you use? i am considering purchasing one for both the 35mm and 120mm film. they seem fairly inexpensive but i know nothing about brands or if one scanner is better than another. i think it will save me some money though. and did you find the quality was greatly diminished? thanks for any advice you can give me!

around town

2011-03-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 800)

loving this cause and this one.
listening to this song. i think it has become my lenten reflection.

beneath the bamboo

2011-03-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

(all photos pentax k1000 using fuji superia 800 film except last 3: canon 50D, 100mm macro)

not all of you know that garth and i were engaged while in china in september of 2009 while adopting ellis. we have struggled with setting a date or finding a venue. we have longed for a casual, backyard sort of affair and today, while ambling through our favorite gardens, we stumbled upon a wedding. so, we believe we may have found the perfect spot just for us. beneath the swaying and towering bamboo with acres of green, wind, blooms, and the sound of birds around us.

i think this might be the best plan yet :o) bamboo has long been a favorite plant of mine that has special significance to my healing after the divorce and death of my mother, and i can think of no better place to take our vows and begin our new life as husband and wife.

(ps. all is well in dreamland, thanks for the concern. i have always had powerful, vivid dreams in my life, but only once before do i remember finding myself sleep walking. i am certain exhaustion is the cause, but no worries, a good night's sleep has cured me!)

2011-03-17T11:40:00.000-07:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400, film)

last night, 4AM, standing at the window i found myself in tears, fighting to get the blinds open, to find my way out when i felt the embrace of garth, asking if i was okay. as i came up into the after fog of a difficult dream, my eyes seeming to at last open, i murmured, "how did i get here?" and heard in that question perhaps a metaphor for the world.

disoriented i stumbled back into bed finding sleep that was at last dreamless.

do you believe in magic?

2011-03-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

(holga 135, fuji superia 400)

the small town urban life

2011-03-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

(canon 50D)

such a beautiful weekend to stroll and stop for dinner at a local pizza dive. hope yours was wonderful and filled with some sunshine.

my thoughts have been with Japan daily. i am thinking of you, friends.

for Japan

2011-03-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400)

"I should not make any promises right now,
But I know if you
Pray
Somewhere in this world -
Something good will happen."

~Hafiz~

Help Japan, here's how you can!

*Or stop by and see HILDA GRAHNAT and buy something from her shop - from her site: "All proceeds go direclty to Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Relief through the Japan Red Cross Society. For just 10 USD you will receive a print or a postcard set and at the same time donate money to those in need". I just ordered some postcards for myself today.

because sometimes you just never know with a holga

2011-03-10T07:04:00.000-08:00

ash wednesday

2011-03-09T04:04:00.000-08:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400)

light

2011-03-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

(first photos, pentax k1000- film, last photo holga 135- film)

listening to this again, over and over lately. it's an old favorite that was used in an anime series i loved. enjoy!

2011-03-05T06:12:00.001-08:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400)

to all of you who anticipate the end of the winter season and these colder days, or are still buried in the last snows, this is what awaits you. so i send you this warmth, and this sun, and these blooms. it will come soon!

while you are indoors and keeping warm, and if you aren't already, start reading and enjoying the photography at Hula Seventy it will always make you feel good! and i just picked up this book (Andrea's work is featured in it) and it is in a WORD, fabulous! While I was at it, I also picked up this little gem and I can't stop looking at it. I reaaaallllly need a polaroid camera but I just don't know which one to buy?...

and thank you so much for your comments on my last two posts!

2011-03-03T05:38:00.000-08:00

i am certain there is little else in this world as sublime as watching my child sleep. in her rest i see contentment and trust. the ability to let herself drift off, knowing all is right with her world. just this week, after 18 months home from China, and without any fanfare or fuss (and only an occasional suggestion from us), she asked to sleep in her own room, for the first time. and she's been happy as a lark each night, sleeping beneath the magic of her moon and stars night light that speckle the ceiling and walls. i am so proud of who she is and who she is becoming. i am so grateful for all that she has taught me.

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400 film)

spring announces her arrival

2011-02-28T08:17:00.000-08:00

(canon 50D)

The leaves you show uncurl like tiny fists

and bear small button blossoms, greenish white,

that quicken you. Now put your roots down deep;

draw light from shadow, break in on earth’s sleep.

(from Planting A Dogwood by Roy Scheele)

caught in a macro abstract

2011-02-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

(canon 50D)

to the morning (fog)

2011-02-26T07:24:00.000-08:00

(holga 135, fuji superia color 400)

And it's going to be a day
There is really no way to say no
To the morning.
Yes it's going to be a day
There is really nothing left to
Say but
Come on morning.

~Dan Fogelberg~

i awoke, thinking of my mom and this silence settled in my heart along with this song, one she cherished. i miss her so much and wish i could hear her harmonizing along with one of her favorite singers as she spent a Saturday morning cleaning, making her home her own kind of sanctuary, free of clutter and dust :O)

after storm sky, part two

2011-02-24T13:47:00.000-08:00

(holga 135, fuji superia 400)

a day at the local art museum

2011-02-23T19:28:00.000-08:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 800)

When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college - that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared at me, incredulous, and said, "You mean they forget?" ~Howard Ikemoto

after storm sky

2011-02-21T18:27:00.000-08:00

(holga 135, fuji superia 400)

the knowing (jay michaelson)

let me commence
the knowing
of knowing
the peeling back
of the garments
the gentlest undressing
of this

let me arouse
the quality
of being
and fall into
the embrace
the immersion
into the knowing
of knowing itself

like swimming
in a warmth
that has every synonym
and none

or discovering
one is water
melting
into a pond

like disappearing
in the sweetest dissolution
in the consummation
that is
now

like a delightful surrender
to yourself
only to discover
it isn’t yours

it is only knowing
it is only is

the thinnest meridian of an instant
this most transparent love

an arena
of sky
with everything within it

we have so few words
for kisses
so few concepts
for embrace
for surrounding
for dissolving into

for the
simultaneous
merging
and emerging

or for the yearning, the coming to know
the song
the nape of the neck

the holy playfulness
of being itself
the secret seduction
of seducing itself

we have so few words
and every one of them
points in the wrong direction

so, beloved,
let me put an end to language
let me commence
this undressing
of reality
this unwording
of simplicity

let me know
the nakedness
of experience

coming near

nearer

that is none other
than

red ransom, red ransom...

2011-02-19T19:54:00.000-08:00

i call.... jiji over!

i bought a new holga since the shutter on the first one gave out (though i will continue to use it for those blurry soft images). i decided to get one with a flash this time that allows you to play around with the color... probably a feature i won't be using much if at all, but my daughter thought it was pretty sweet. she snapped this picture and i adore it :o) i hope she will grow to love this art as much as i do.

thank you so much for your kind comments on the last post- i was so happy to capture jiji in her element. this little girl is all tomboy, and we adore her!

2011-02-18T19:48:00.000-08:00

ah, the weekend at last. enjoy yours!

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400)

the things we never say

2011-02-17T12:02:00.000-08:00

the things we never put into verse. a note of thanks. a long glance. a leaf turning green to sunset orange then red. the giggling bubbling upward spiral of your smile. or the way your hands run wild through the grass. a secret kept until the last breath. a long sigh and a lingering goodnight. soft kisses that never were. harsh truths that were never meant to be anything less. half lives spent wondering. what if.

(canon 50D, 100mm macro)

the writing on the wall

2011-02-17T06:53:00.000-08:00

some are personal, some more global. this is the first one i have gone out of my way to capture. i have my fiance to thank for letting me know someone had painted this message on our small college town wall last week. it's a place to remember, to honor, to send well wishes, to vent, or sometimes just to advertise or ask for a hand in marriage :) it is, without fail, a point of interest for anyone who lives or visits here.

this particular declaration needed to be shared with all of you.
______________________________________________________________

What I thought was an end turned out to be a middle.
What I thought was a brick wall turned out to be a tunnel.
What I thought was an injustice
turned out to be a color of the sky.

Outside the youth center, between the liquor store
and the police station,
a little dogwood tree is losing its mind

overflowing with blossomfoam ...

(poem excerpt by Tony Hoagland, from "a color of the sky")

(canon 50D)

2011-02-14T10:16:00.000-08:00

i recently found this heartwarming little short anime on a favorite site i follow, and thought it fitting to share on this day. hope everyone's Valentine's is filled with the world coming to life in new ways, punctuated by the kind of unconditional love that is often found between a dog and his or her person :)

i have found myself coming back to this song over and over again, one that brings me back to those first days when garth and i reunited and he introduced me to Ellis Paul who i fell for after hearing just one song. each time i listen to his melodic voice and pay closer attention to his heartfelt lyrics, i am reminded of why garth has always been a faithful follower. and i see so much of "us" in his music. i hope we meet him again one day. he once said he'd play at our wedding, but we're not holding him to it... *wink*.

dinner

2011-02-13T06:52:00.000-08:00

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400)

random acts of pentax k1000 photographs

2011-02-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

of course there were bound to be more chicken!

forbidden city, fall 2009

2011-02-08T07:04:00.000-08:00

thank you Li+Belle for teaching me how to achieve this "toy" effect. as i have said in my profile, i don't have post-processing software (at least, not that i actually use) and prefer to just show my photos straight out of the camera (probably one of the reasons i also prefer film over digital). but this? i am in love with this effect and will be playing around with it a lot i am sure. and thank you for honoring me with the One Lovely Blog award as well~! i am deeply humbled~!

2011-02-07T05:49:00.000-08:00

my holga is on the blitz. the shutter feels soft and doesn't click any longer, so it's creating these ultra blurred photos which i'm sort of enjoying lately. do you see the red sun in the reflection of that first photo?

(holga 120N, kodak ektar 100)

2011-02-06T07:24:00.000-08:00

i honestly cannot describe to you how much i love this dog.
i have never in all of my life loved an animal this much.
to call him animal is just silliness. he is my family, my best friend,
my boy, my buddy.

he has special powers, as a friend once said :o)

and every single solitary day i wake up and i still see this smiling face,
well, that is the best damn day ever.

i love my Boob.

and i did just type that for the world to see :)

2011-02-05T19:54:00.001-08:00

don't you wish you could, at least for a moment, just stand still in the wind? nothing but that. no phone. no obligations. no work. no traffic or noise. just you, the clear blue sky, the sun and the wind.

on a side note, i just splurged and picked up THIS and THIS. i am recently very interested in the history of photography and am reading everything i can get my hands on. i am also currently reading THIS (sent as a gift from my future father-in-law)... powerful. what is not described in this link are the stories that narrate each photograph, the cameras used, and the climate of the time in which the picture was taken. i have taken a tremendous interest in photojournalism since watching this film: Not As I Pictured, and am very grateful that its creator lives in my small college town, and we've come to know one another and will be meeting in the next couple of weeks (and, as it turns out, his work was featured in Moments). i am humbled and star struck and will no doubt fumble my way through that lunch :)

if you see no other documentary in your life, see this one. you will not regret it. even if cancer has never touched your life, this film will. you can get a copy through the website linked above and also view the trailer.

(pentax, fuji superia 400)

a walk in westside park

2011-02-03T06:57:00.000-08:00

i have loved our weekend hikes, breathing in the chilled air under a warm sun, carrying our cameras and our silence and our laughter, each in good measure. i fell in love with this orange tree with it's unusual trunk. i could have spent hours with it on this day.

(pentax k1000, fuji superia 400)

2011-01-31T12:34:00.000-08:00

just a few shots from (again) lake alice and dudley farm, these taken with the holga 135 using kokak max 200 film. i was really shocked at how beautiful the sunset on the lake developed. i forget that every now and then you can get such a clear shot with a holga :) i still prefer the surprises and the dreamier ones though!

oh! and i meant to ask, what are you all listening to these days? some faves? songs that move you? links if you have them too. i am in need of some music and was very greatful to Elisabelle for this gem of a find. i bought the whole album after one listen and find myself smiling after i watch this version of je veux with every viewing.

2011-01-29T19:34:00.000-08:00

there are countless nature reserves and local/state parks in our town. many places to hike and trails to wander. this was the first time i'd visited an historic farm though. it was simply magical. as you can see, i was particularly enamored with the chickens. i am anxious to get the the film back from this little trip- i'm sure you will be seeing more chickens :o)

2011-01-27T10:15:00.001-08:00

i will miss these fall colors and golden hues come spring...

(holga 135, film: lomography 100)

by the lake

2011-01-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

i recently borrowed a canon AE-1 from a friend at work to try out as i've seen the results from other photographers and fell in love with the tones the camera appeared to produce (more golden it seemed). i have so much to learn and find this piece of equipment, for whatever reason, to be challenging! i have no idea why some of these photos are grainier/lighter or a bit overexposed taken in the same setting where others seem rich and full (and i'm happy with both effects). the meter seemed off to me based on my knowledge, which i admit is lacking, but when i compared these to similar shots taken with my pentax they were different. of course, i was using a sizable zoom with the canon and i guess i need to take that into consideration as well. at any rate, it's time to take notes and mark my settings and begin the hard work of really learning! i'm lazy when it comes to those sorts of things.

i am doing a fair job though of photographing more people this year- strangers by this lake here and in my prior post, that waitress. that one especially took courage and i barely framed it to get the shot i was so nervous!

(and to clarify, that alligator is roaming free, lake alice is a nature preserve on a local college campus that is very large. we often see gators there and know to be cautious. they usually just sun bathe and don't bother you, and i used a zoom to take that photograph, though admittedly i wasn't that far from him).

(canon AE-1, fuji superia 400)

drive by trees and a trip to see the MDs

2011-01-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

each year, our daughter travels some distance to follow up with her specialists. and not that any of you have ever asked (which i find incredibly respectful and i thank you for that), but to give you a bit of our story, she has a condition called spina bifida. in her case, a true (and probably multiple) myelomingoceles in her lumbosacral region of her lower back which have caused paralysis of her right leg and have limited her ability to use her left (weakness). we were first told she probably had a myelocystocele (extremely rare and far more complicated), but learned after a second opinion that this was not the case. at any rate, these photos were taken on our way to and from and during our wait for her urology follow up exams, which went beautifully! she is such an extraordinary little girl that we are so blessed to be parenting. she has amazing strength, spirit, and determination and such a joyful disposition. and so far, she's put up with mom lugging around a few cameras everywhere we go :o) naturally, we stoped at our favorite highway dive for an old fashioned southern breakfast as well~!

(pentax, kodak gold 200)

meet the newest member of our family, Jiji :)

2011-01-20T12:34:00.000-08:00

this was a birthday gift for our daughter who just turned 5 on the 17th... but i must say she's been a treasure for the whole family. it's been a year and a half since our beloved Gambit passed away and what a delight to have a little kitten! i have always adopted older cats, so i haven't had the pleasure of taking care of a little one since childhood. Miss Jiji (named after Jiji of Kiki's Delivery Service fame- and who she looks nothing like) is almost 6 months old. she is incredibly sweet, loves to curl up on your chest or lap to sleep, is generous and playful, and even comes when she's called~! she had such a rough start at life, found on the side of a road near death and the rescue group that took her in was certain she wouldn't make it. but through their tireless efforts, they were able to save her. she fought infection after infection, along with some bouts of GI problems but is basically healthy now. she and ransom get along just fine too and snuggled together for the first time last night, after only a week in the same home.

welcome little girl! we are very much in love with you!

2011-01-19T19:43:00.000-08:00

(pentax, film)

2011-01-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

(canon 50D, lake alice)

When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider
the orderliness of the world. Notice
something you have never noticed before,

like the tambourine sound of the snow-cricket
whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb.

Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain,
shaking the water-sparks from its wings.

Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
like the diligent leaves.

A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.

Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance.

In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.

Live with the beetle, and the wind.

This is the dark bread of the poem.
This is the dark and nourishing bread of the poem.

Mary Oliver
from her poem "Flare"

in memory of mom, who took flight into new life 5 years ago this day. she was a brilliant shooting star trailing the sky that night on my lonely drive home from the hospital. there in the fog of 4am, she burned bright and lit the darkness. this, her last and best good-bye.

2011-01-15T06:48:00.001-08:00

for the love of ransom

2011-01-14T06:30:00.000-08:00

he's my Boob :) and he's doing quite well in spite of those growing tumors. they've yet to affect his overall health, and we feel incredibly, deeply blessed to have come into the New Year with him.
(pentax, fuji pro 400)

2011-01-11T19:19:00.000-08:00

stay with me,
remain here with me,
watch and pray...
watch and pray

~Taize chant~

(pentax, film)

sunset in the forest

2011-01-11T13:07:00.000-08:00

(canon 50D)

2011-01-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

this year i made a promise to myself to move outside of my comfort zone and photograph people. even... strangers. i began somewhere familiar. so, these are some co-workers :o)

hope everyone is having a stellar start to their work week!

(pentax, film)

this night, mexican

2011-01-09T03:39:00.000-08:00

(pentax k1000, kokak max 400)

holgamania! some old, some new.

2011-01-07T18:18:00.000-08:00

some 135 holgas left behind

2011-01-06T20:50:00.000-08:00

i'd forgotten about these and in looking through some recent past photos, felt compelled to post them. my bum is numb and sore from the hours i've spent today perusing so many talented photographers on flickr. i am completely inspired. i found this today and went through every last photo! and i wondered what this adorable dog was so curious about in the grass :O)

holga surprise

2011-01-06T09:46:00.000-08:00

i just got back 2 Holga rolls that were taken in that same sleepy town not 20 miles from our home over New Year's weekend. i was bewildered and awed by the differences between this set and the shots i took with the same film and camera at a nearby prairie. It is fascinating to me the range this camera produces, from crisp, sharp images with bold, rich colors, to the blurry muted magic that was produced above, by no skill or fault of my own as this camera operates of its own volition. I have come to respect that and even though my eye might have seen something crisper, or foggier, or brighter with my own eye, the Holga proves again there is an entirely new way of seeing the world I am attempting to capture- and that is a gift, yes? I'll call it the Holga gift :)

i hope you enjoy them too.

(holga 120N, kodak ektar 100)

drive by farm

2011-01-03T13:44:00.000-08:00

(holga 120N, unsure which film i used, again)

sometimes a small town

2011-01-02T13:28:00.000-08:00

a lazy stroll through a sleepy town on New Years Day. who knew a place so small could be filled with so much magic? i am certain most of it was created by us and the infectious joy that comes from spending quality time together doing what we love most.

all shots with my canon D50 and straight out of the camera. i never understand what i do to cause some of them to have such beautiful white backgrounds or look so bright/vibrant (E with her long stick and the last photo). i really like it though! anxious to get the 4 rolls of film back :o)

hope you all have had a splendid weekend!