i thought it telling that in both these photos, my beloved bulldog Ransom appears as a ghost or a hologram, as though he is somehow caught between 2 worlds. the one of eternal sleep (or is this where we are fully awake?), and this one.

he has been fighting an aggressive lymphoma for the last 6-7 weeks. round 3 of chemo is scheduled for november 22nd.

he's the best and bravest dog i've ever known, and he has my heart.

(holga 120N, fugi pro 400)

i walked quietly grinning from the photo shop today. a new battery for the pentax purchased, the film carefully loaded. my fingers remembered every mechanical detail, as there are few to recall with this SLR. nostalgia overwhelmed me. the thunk of the shutter, the weight of my first camera back in my hands. me- the giddy teenager again. i visualized my mom's face before me, relishing in my delight at perhaps the most thoughtful gift she'd ever purchased for me. i found myself in that place where tears find their way through your smile. somehow, i felt connected to her again in a way i haven't since her passing. not because she ever held a camera herself (that was rare), but because in giving me one, she showed me how deeply she loved me- unconditionally- that my joy was the only thing that mattered to her.

this holga is a new and curious friend, one i liked at once- the same way you do any new toy, i suppose-and we'll make memories together. we'll come to know one another, in time (and that is proving to be true as my last roll of film was truly a dud).

but the pentax and i? well, we go back 25 years. we go back to the innocence of my adolescence, and to the discovery of my first love: photography.

spin

iso to 100 in low light, fstop down, and spin your camera as you take the photo. it took many months of practice for me. these were taken on an overcast day inside a firehouse garage. they are some of my favorites :) that is my daughter in the last one, sporting her fire suit and asking for my camera of course.

my first Holgas: where no 2 photos are alike and each negative reveals a surprise

this was the best fun i've had in years with a camera. i am so stoked about the results that i'm anxious to get out there and burn a hole in my pocket shooting, which won't take long as i have a good stretch of days off coming this week. doesn't my daughter photograph so beautifully on film? i could squeal!