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i walked quietly grinning from the photo shop today. a new battery for the pentax purchased, the film carefully loaded. my fingers remembered every mechanical detail, as there are few to recall with this SLR. nostalgia overwhelmed me. the thunk of the shutter, the weight of my first camera back in my hands. me- the giddy teenager again. i visualized my mom's face before me, relishing in my delight at perhaps the most thoughtful gift she'd ever purchased for me. i found myself in that place where tears find their way through your smile. somehow, i felt connected to her again in a way i haven't since her passing. not because she ever held a camera herself (that was rare), but because in giving me one, she showed me how deeply she loved me- unconditionally- that my joy was the only thing that mattered to her.

this holga is a new and curious friend, one i liked at once- the same way you do any new toy, i suppose-and we'll make memories together. we'll come to know one another, in time (and that is proving to be true as my last roll of film was truly a dud).

but the pentax and i? well, we go back 25 years. we go back to the innocence of my adolescence, and to the discovery of my first love: photography.